28 02 2008

I have resigned myself to spending this summer at home

Don’t get me wrong, though. I don’t think it will be the worst thing ever. I would be lying, though, if I said I wasn’t somewhat disappointed. I really wanted to be somewhere else this summer. I wanted to be somewhere away from home. Somewhere new and exciting. It may still pan out…I am going to try a church in Kansas City to intern at. Maybe it will happen. I hope it does. Being home for the summer just makes me upset. I don’t want to be there, because it will be just like the last, except my parents won’t be getting divorced. It will be just as boring and as pointless, however. Aside from a few people, and they know who they are, I don’t talk to anyone at home anymore, so I know that it will be a lot of me sitting around the house doing nothing all day. I might go take a course or two at IUSB, and hopefully I will get an internship somewhere in town, but in the end, it will still be the same waste of time that it was last year. I need to get out and do something. I don’t know what. I just need to get out and experience things. Something new. Something I have never felt before. I want a complete and drastic change to happen in my life. To become new and refreshing again. I feel like I have been thirsting for something like that for so long and I want to get that thirst quenched and to feel rejuvenated.

Maybe I will be surprised, though.  One never knows what is coming around the corner.

The idea of home is a strange thing, isn’t it? What is home? Home can mean so many things. It could be where you live, or where you feel welcome, or the land you came from.

Home for me, though….I’m not really sure if Indiana is it. Sure, I grew up there and everything, but I don’t really live there anymore, and I don’t feel connected to it, other than in memories. It’s really quite strange. Technically, it is my “permanent residence”, but I feel about as connected to it as a person that lives 7 or 8 months out of the year more than 1000 miles away. (1063.93 miles to be exact) It’s hard to really miss a place you don’t really live at anymore. So…where is home for me now? I’m not sure. It’s not my dorm room…it’s hard to really feel comforts of home there. It’s definitely something I need to think about more. I think I miss the idea of home, more than anything else.

And my dog. I miss my dog a lot.

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6 responses

28 02 2008
Rachel

I’m glad you’re maybe coming back.

28 02 2008
Katie

Hey! I remember that wierd feeling of going home and it not being home anymore. My first summer after a year of college was pretty rough. I was completely independant and than wham.. back to being a kid. I know that mom, dad and I would love to have you as long as you’d like to stay. We have spare rooms in both houses! We would also love for you to join us at the family reunion this summer! We’re going to be flying with Grandmother down there. I hope can make it!!!! Love you!

28 02 2008
Kelly Cohen

Joel, I wanted to let you know that I think you’re right in saying that you never know what is right around the corner. I mean, maybe you’ll get one of those interships away from home or maybe you’ll find something really great to do in Michiana. I’ve found that most of what makes a great season of life is not where you are, but who is there and so maybe you’ll work with great people. I know it’s hard. I’m currently living “at home” and it has been tough. It’s hard to be in a strange place as strange person trying to eek out some kind of life…but you never know how that can change. And one of the most important things I’ve learned is that you never know who your life matters to in a particular season. I have a big interview tomorrow for a job at Duke, pray for me!

28 02 2008
Lauren

Well you are more than welcome to hangout with me 24/7 if you so choose to. I always enjoy hanging out with you. I know you’re mom is going to love seeing you. It’ll be good for both of you. But I understand what you mean. Everyone goes through it, though not normally under the same circumstances. It happens because we are growing up and learning about life and where we fit in. We each have to find out where we belong. We will, it just takes time. Some people have it easier than others. Some give in, some struggle and some figure it out. You just got to figure out what you’re going to do. But you have options no matter what happens. Muah!

2 03 2008
Mark

In regard to that sensation of loss of home, which I feel often, I usually remember that speech in the pool in Garden State.

4 03 2008
Richard Coer de Lion

Go for a long walk in the woods.

http://www.appalachiantrail.org

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