I have resigned myself to spending this summer at home
Don’t get me wrong, though. I don’t think it will be the worst thing ever. I would be lying, though, if I said I wasn’t somewhat disappointed. I really wanted to be somewhere else this summer. I wanted to be somewhere away from home. Somewhere new and exciting. It may still pan out…I am going to try a church in Kansas City to intern at. Maybe it will happen. I hope it does. Being home for the summer just makes me upset. I don’t want to be there, because it will be just like the last, except my parents won’t be getting divorced. It will be just as boring and as pointless, however. Aside from a few people, and they know who they are, I don’t talk to anyone at home anymore, so I know that it will be a lot of me sitting around the house doing nothing all day. I might go take a course or two at IUSB, and hopefully I will get an internship somewhere in town, but in the end, it will still be the same waste of time that it was last year. I need to get out and do something. I don’t know what. I just need to get out and experience things. Something new. Something I have never felt before. I want a complete and drastic change to happen in my life. To become new and refreshing again. I feel like I have been thirsting for something like that for so long and I want to get that thirst quenched and to feel rejuvenated.
Maybe I will be surprised, though. One never knows what is coming around the corner.
The idea of home is a strange thing, isn’t it? What is home? Home can mean so many things. It could be where you live, or where you feel welcome, or the land you came from.
Home for me, though….I’m not really sure if Indiana is it. Sure, I grew up there and everything, but I don’t really live there anymore, and I don’t feel connected to it, other than in memories. It’s really quite strange. Technically, it is my “permanent residence”, but I feel about as connected to it as a person that lives 7 or 8 months out of the year more than 1000 miles away. (1063.93 miles to be exact) It’s hard to really miss a place you don’t really live at anymore. So…where is home for me now? I’m not sure. It’s not my dorm room…it’s hard to really feel comforts of home there. It’s definitely something I need to think about more. I think I miss the idea of home, more than anything else.
And my dog. I miss my dog a lot.